Wondering – The Rekindling

We all know that there’s resurrecting dead dreams. But what if the line is not always so clear cut between two options. Two good options.

Wondering by Julie Lester and Olivia Rodrigo (High School Musical The Musical The Series Volume 1)

Seems like a part of me will always have to lose, every single time I have to choose.

I have gone back and forth over some of the choices I have made, including changing churches at the beginning of my 20s, cutting off a particular set of friends, and of course my choice of career. In short, the things I have chosen to pursue.

Most times we want certainty. For the heavens to open up and agree with the path we’ve taken. For that tap on the shoulder and nod from all the people whose opinion you hold dear.

Ever read The Midnight Library by Matt Haig? It explores this thought of the different lives you could live spurred on by one choice.

Is this where I’m supposed to be at all

I wrestle with this idea a lot. That no matter what choices or things I could have done differently, I would still have ended up right here.

‘My steps have been ordered’…and all that.

Am I where I should be? What if I leant more into my athletic abilities (practically non-existent for me😂 But a girl can dream) instead of my writing.

What if I studied something else at uni or decided on another career path?

Am I the only one plagued by these thoughts?

Scared I’ll never find something as good

So, I’ve got to remind myself often to give up this scarcity mindset. That the grass is greener on the other side and no matter what I do with my patch, it will never match up.

To remind myself that I can be multifaceted without expecting the world from everything that brings joy to my life.

To rest in the fact that I enjoyed it today and that’s enough. That when I could, I played some volleyball. Not professionally, not even marginally well (I don’t know why this is the example today🤦🏿‍♀️). That I don’t need to be a renown baker to make some banana cake.

To detach from perfection in the pursuit of happiness and purpose.

Maybe I should turn around and take the other road

Crossroads.

A while back I was wavering so hard. Wondering if I should go back to the somewhat sure path my law degree promised or keep digging with this.

It always feels tempting to take the other road when it feels like you have hit a dead end.

I hope in that depth of that uncertainty 1) you’ll know you are not alone 2) you will rationally access your options 3) do the next big thing.

I believe the signs will come as you go – whether to continue or to reroute. Keep the faith that no experience is wasted and quit wasting away wondering of what could have been.

Pictures taken from Pixabay

So for this, a simple Would You Rather works. Let me know in the comments. Would you rather not listen to music for the rest of your life or not read another book for the rest of your life.

On the other side, of all I had and lost

Would it be enough,

or would I still be wondering